new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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