The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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