You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
