I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
