Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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