It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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