why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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