I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize