If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
