Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
