I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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