and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
