She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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