At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
