Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
