boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
