Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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