He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
