I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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