Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
