i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
