living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
