He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
