normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
