Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
