Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
