Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
