If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
