i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
