yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
