He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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