there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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