i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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