what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
