So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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