If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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