Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
