i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
