the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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