I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
