How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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