Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
