yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
