If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
