And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
