TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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