Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
