your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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