hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
