He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
