Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
