I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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