they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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