So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
