Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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