i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
