i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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