Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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