I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
