Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize