Christians are straight up FREAKS
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
