i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
