there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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