I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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